How This Works

The science behind our questionable but weirdly accurate sadness diagnosis system.

The Methodology

1

15 Targeted Questions

We ask about timing (when does sadness hit?), symptoms (cravings, sleep, rage), sensitivity (hormone awareness, light dependency), and severity (duration, impact on life).

2

Pattern Recognition

Your answers are analyzed for patterns. Do they cluster around cycle days 21-28? That's hormonal. Worse in October-March? Seasonal. Consistent year-round? Clinical.

3

Percentage Breakdown

We don't put you in a box. Most people have overlapping sadness types (e.g., 70% hormonal + 40% seasonal). We show you the full picture.

The Science (Actually Real)

Hormonal (PMDD)

Based on DSM-5 criteria for Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. Looks for:

  • Cyclical timing (luteal phase)
  • Mood shifts that resolve post-period
  • Atypical symptoms (carb cravings, hypersomnia)

Seasonal (SAD)

Based on seasonal pattern specifier in DSM-5. Looks for:

  • Fall/winter onset, spring/summer remission
  • Light sensitivity (improved mood with sunlight)
  • Circadian rhythm disruption

Clinical (MDD)

Based on major depressive disorder criteria. Looks for:

  • Persistent sadness (2+ weeks, often longer)
  • No clear cyclical or seasonal pattern
  • Functional impairment

What You'll Get in Your Results

Your Diagnosis

Percentage breakdown of your sadness type(s), with a dramatic title like "87% Hormonally Tragic" or "92% Seasonally Betrayed".

Survival Kit

Tailored coping strategies, self-care tips, and — crucially — when your symptoms suggest you should talk to a professional.

Treatment Hints

Evidence-based suggestions like light therapy for SAD, hormonal tracking for PMDD, or therapy/meds for clinical depression.

Shareable Results

Clean, funny graphics you can share without making everyone uncomfortable. Normalize talking about mental health!

Ready to Get Diagnosed?

It's only 15 questions. And you might finally understand why you cried at that dog commercial.

Take the Quiz